The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife asked me to make her scream last night while we were in bed so I poked her in the eyes.

My wife hates sex so much her favorite position is back to back.

My wife is never satisfied. Yesterday she complained that I never make bed in breakfast. Today she’s complaining because I put our bed in the kitchen.

My wife – Beautiful, kindhearted, great sense of humor… at least one of those things would have been nice.

My wife was really angry with me today.
I put a stick in a non-stick frying pan.

I’ve just been given two weeks to live. My wife’s going on vacation for a couple of weeks.