The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife´s suspicious mind is really begining to annoy me. Last night after looking at my calendar she wanted to know who May was.

My wife told me I was one in a million. After looking though her text messages I found out she was right.

My young daughter asked me this morning.

“Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night, I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream?”

“Nothing darling,” I replied.

It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half shaved head.

Me and my wife are total opposites. She donates money to the homeless, I donate money to the topless.

My wife is so selfish when we make love she screams out her own name.