The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Irony is when you get a text message from the wife saying “your an idiot”.

Had a really stiff neck when I woke up this morning. My wife said she hopes it spreads.

Why did my wife cross the road? To get back to the first shoe shop we went in three f*cking hours ago.

Spoke to my son yesterday to teach him about the birds and the bees. He ended up teaching me about my wife and the milkman.

Last night my wife told me she doesn’t like giving bl*wjobs because her jaw starts to hurt. Seems to work fine when she talks for hours on end.

I think I might be the most unlucky person in the world. Last night my wife told me she wants to have sex on the back seat of her car, she was wondering if I could drive.