The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Me and my wife have an on-off relationship. Every time I get on she tells me to get off.

Last night my wife allowed me to go on top.
I love bunk beds!!

My wife always complains. Last week she was complaining that I never take her anywhere so last night I booked her a table but she still wasn’t happy. Apparently she hates snooker.

It’s my wife’s birthday today so I’ve decided to get her a pair of slippers and a dildo. If she doesn’t like the slippers she can go f*ck herself.

Last night my wife told me she wanted to do some role-play and aked me to pick any scene from any film. She quickly realised this was a mistake after I shouted “THIS IS SPARTA” and kicked her down the stairs.

I’m currently having an affair but I’ve saved my mistress’ phone number as ‘LOW BATTERY’.

Whenever she calls and I’m not around my wife plugs my phone into the charger.