The Best Funny Wife Jokes

Three Rules of Marriage to avoid disaster.
1. Never come home at 4am and ask for breakfast.
2. Never leave the toilet seat up.
3. Wife is never wrong.

Been with my wife 25 years today. Having sex with the same person for all that time takes a lot of dedication. I don’t know how she managed it.

My wife told me that she wants me to make her feel like a “real woman” so I took my shirt off and said “Here you go, iron this”.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife before bed.

Wife: Have you emptied the trash tonight?
Husband: Erm no, I’ll do it in the morning.
Wife: What about the cat?
Husband: I can ask but I think it might be a bit too heavy for him to lift.

The following conversation took place between an unemployed husband and his wife.
Husband: Today I’m gonna take you out for a meal.
Wife: Wow, did you manage to find a job?
Husband: No, I lost the house playing poker.

Me and the wife decided to make our own sex tape, but she got really angry when I started to hold auditions for her part.