Best Funny Surreal Jokes

A large book fell on my head today.

I’ve only got mySHELF to blame

Why do new born babies never get any birthday cake?

Me: How do I know when the mushrooms are starting to work?
Friend: You’ll know, it hits you pretty hard!
Me: I don’t feel anything.
Toaster: Give it time!

Had a really fun night out last night, there’s nothing better than manslaughter. I also enjoy hearing women laugh as well.

I almost died today because of my stupid doctor. He told me I should get off the bus 1 stop early to get some exercise. I ended up walking 50 miles after catching the Megabus.

What’s green and Invisible? This cucumber.