Best Funny General Jokes

I can’t wait till the app ‘Grand Theft Auto Go’ comes out.

I’ve decided that from now on I’m just gonna drink at home instead of drinking at bars. It’s cheaper, there are no time limits and I’m allowed to be naked.

My doctor told me I had high blood pressure this morning… I took it with a pinch of salt.

Think I might be allergic to onions. Every time I peel them my eyes start watering.

I can never remember if its spelt laying or lying. Anyway I just hit an old woman with my car and she’s doing that in a car-park at the moment.

I’ve decided that from now on I’m going to stop drinking. Fed up of waking up in my car doing 90mph.