Best Funny General Jokes

Some day I’ll be skinny. Today is not that day.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don’t talk, converse, discuss or vocalise about Thesaurus Club.

Was playing charades last night and my uncle suffered a stroke! Unfortunately it took quite a while to phone an ambulance because we were all shouting “Sylvester Stallone! Sylvester Stallone!”

Just started a new job at a can recycling factory.

It’s soda pressing.

When I was a child my parents used to wrap me up in cotton wool… which is why I was taken away by social services.

Just failed my job interview after the following question:

Interviewer: How would you describe yourself?
Me: I normally do it verbally using words but on this occasion I’ve actually prepared a dance.