Best Funny Dirty Jokes

Last night a girl came up to me at a night club and said “show me show your nuts” so I sang the theme tune to ‘The Chipmunks’ and hopped on one leg.

People who are scared of pedophiles need to grow up.

Just finished masturbating under the sheet. I hope the dentist didn’t notice.

I was talking to a fat lass with huge tits last night.

“My eyes are up here…” I said, as she looked down at the kebab in my hand.

Can’t believe how hot my wife was last night. She couldn’t stop screaming in bed.
Hopefully next time she uses the oven she’ll take more care not to burn her arm.

A man phones work and says to his boss, i can’t come in today I’m sick, in which his boss replies, how sick are you, and which he replies, I’m in bed with my daughter.