Best Funny Dirty Jokes

Q: what did the left beaver lip say to the right?
A: We used to be so tight before that holiday to Jamaica!

Did you know that, in German, ‘gross’ means large? That’s what my German girlfriend said when she first saw my penis. I’ve also found that non-German women also use this word quite a lot.

I ran out of money to pay a prostitute the other day, luckily I had a shovel.

What’s the only thing Jim couldn’t fix?………your daughter’s hymen

What’s the difference between a candle and a curry?

A candle only burns at one end.

You: “Have you ever blown bubbles as a kid?”
Him: “Yes”
You: “Well he’s back in town and he wants your phone number”