Best Funny Dirty Jokes

The following conversation took place between a couple of eggs boiling in a pan.

Egg 1: I’ve got a huge crack!!
Egg 2: Stop teasing me, I’m not hard yet.

Just hired a baby sitter for Valentines Day for only $10 per hour. I don’t have any children but they’re a lot cheaper than escorts.

Went to a party last night dressed as a chicken and I met a girl dressed as an egg.

Answered a very old philosophical question… it was the chicken that came first.

I like my women how I like my coffee. Without some other guys dick in it.

Just been to see the doctor about a mole on the end of my dick. He told me I should be OK but he also reported me to the RSPCA.

Just had the following conversation with my wife.

Wife: Why is the laptop sticky?
Me: It’s not what you think, it’s ice cream.
Wife: How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?
Me: Have you ever tried eating ice-cream and masterbating at the same time?