Best Funny Animal Jokes

Contains funny animal jokes and dirty one liners that will have you in stitches.

Dyslexic Zookeeper

in Animal Jokes, Disabled Jokes
+38 -35

Did you hear about the dyslexic Zookeeper who gave Viagra to a dangerous crocodile? He read somewhere that it’s good for treating reptile dysfunction.

Zoo

in Animal Jokes
+27 -24

Went to the zoo yesterday and an elephant tried to charge me.
I said “F*ck off, i’m not paying twice.”

Mating

in Animal Jokes
+53 -52

Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.

Curry

in Animal Jokes
+32 -31

My kids cried when I put ginger in their curry tonight. They loved that little kitten.

NHS Line

in Animal Jokes
+15 -14

Phoned the NHS line today and said, “I’m having a real problem getting an erection.”

“Well we’re here to help you as much as we can sir,” the woman replied.

“Great!” I burst out. “What colour panties are you wearing?”

Dolphins

in Animal Jokes
+21 -21

What is the world coming to? Heard on the radio today that scientists have discovered dolphins enjoy having sex. Scientists should stop shagging animals and treat them with more respect.