Best Funny Animal Jokes

Contains funny animal jokes and dirty one liners that will have you in stitches.

Help Shark

in Animal Jokes
+21 -18

Just seen a man at the beach shouting “Help, shark! Help!”.
What an idiot, how can a shark help a human?

Rescue Cat

in Animal Jokes
+26 -23

Rescue cats are rubbish. My grandma fell down the stairs the other day and the cat did f*ck all.

Mating

in Animal Jokes
+53 -52

Apparently the female spider devours the male minutes after mating. It takes female humans years to do that.

Curry

in Animal Jokes
+32 -31

My kids cried when I put ginger in their curry tonight. They loved that little kitten.

NHS Line

in Animal Jokes
+15 -14

Phoned the NHS line today and said, “I’m having a real problem getting an erection.”

“Well we’re here to help you as much as we can sir,” the woman replied.

“Great!” I burst out. “What colour panties are you wearing?”

Elephant

in Animal Jokes
+19 -19

I’ve got the memory of an elephant. I went to the zoo once and saw an elephant.