Just had the following conversation after getting pulled over by a cop.
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going? Me: I was just keeping up with the traffic. Cop: There is no traffic! Me: I know, that’s how far behind I am.
I got my wife a get better soon card. She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.
My psychologist told me not to keep things bottled up so I went home and drank all my wine.
My psychologist told me this morning that they have now found a cure for dyslexia. It was like music to my arse.
The following conversation took place while using a Ouija board.
Me: Will I ever find true love? Ouija board: W O U L D U L I K E S O M E T E A Me: Not now grandma, I’m busy.
Do you work for Fedex because I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package?