Asda have reported a 300% increase in cucumber sales since the book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ was released.
You know you’re a bad driver when your SatNav says “In 400 yards, please stop the car and let me out”.
Just had the following conversation after getting pulled over by a cop.
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going? Me: I was just keeping up with the traffic. Cop: There is no traffic! Me: I know, that’s how far behind I am.
I got my wife a get better soon card. She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.
My psychologist told me not to keep things bottled up so I went home and drank all my wine.
My psychologist told me this morning that they have now found a cure for dyslexia. It was like music to my arse.