Went on a date with a girl and I told her to text me when she got home. It’s been 3 weeks now and I still haven’t got a text, I think she must be homeless.
Why is Santa Claus a heavy drinker? Because he only empties his sack once a year.
My granddad died peacefully in his sleep last night. Unfortunately the passengers on his bus all died screaming.
My New Year’s resolutions are: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.
Just recently finished a jigsaw puzzle in only 5 months, the box said 2-4 years.
Following conversation took place between husband and wife in a cafe.
Husband: I love you. Wife: Is that you talking or the wine? Husband: I was talking to the wine.