Went on a date with a girl and I told her to text me when she got home. It’s been 3 weeks now and I still haven’t got a text, I think she must be homeless.
Why is Santa Claus a heavy drinker? Because he only empties his sack once a year.
My granddad died peacefully in his sleep last night. Unfortunately the passengers on his bus all died screaming.
The universe made of 4 things, protons, electrons, neutrons and morons.
Yo Mama’s so fat, when she tried to commit suicide by jumping from a building, all the people said “NO! DON’T DO IT! HAVE MERCY ON THE GROUND!”
Just recently finished a jigsaw puzzle in only 5 months, the box said 2-4 years.