I’ve lost my home, I’ve lost control and I can’t see any escape. Definitely time to get a new keyboard.
Went to the barbers today and asked to get my hair cut like Justin Bieber. He totally shaved my head bald. I said “What the hell have you done. Justin Bieber doesn’t have his hair cut like this!!”, the barber said “He would if he came into my shop.”
My wife broke up with me recently because I’m a compulsive gambler. All I can think about is how to win her back.
A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.
I remember in the old days when instead of selfie sticks people used to have things called friends.
Q. What’s the difference between a flying pig and a politician? A. The letter F.