Just been thrown out of the marines for sexually assaulting someone during martial arts training. Apparently the Sergent told us to fight ‘hand-to-hand’ not ‘hand-to-gland’.
Q. Why are vegetarians really good at giving head? A. Because they’re used to eating nuts.
Q. How do you find your inner child? A. Coat hanger.
I killed 200 million people last night and feeling quite guilty. That’s the last time I read dirty magazine in bed.
Hi babe fancy coming over to my place? I’ve got a load of condoms that are approaching their ‘best before’ date and I need to use them up.
Q. How do you make apple crumble?
A. Release photos of children being beaten inside Chinese iPhone factories.