Best Short Jokes All Time

My neighbor Bob went to the doctors.
Bob said that he has hearing problems.
So the doctor said explain your symptoms .
Bob said “Marge has blue hair and Homer is fat.”

If everything is made of atoms why does ice-cream taste really nice and dog shiite taste so bad? Explain that one Einstein.

Three steps to being more grown up at work:

1. Replace “F*ck you” with “Ok, great” .
2. Try to say “Please” more often instead of “Bitch please”.
3. Make sure you have plenty of alone time to reduce pent up anger.

Patient: Doctor, my legs hurts when I move it
Doctor: Then do not move it, simple as that.
Patient: Okay…. my stomach hurts when i eat too.
Doctor: Then don’t eat.
Patient: Wow….lastly, my lungs hurt when I breathe. LET ME GUESS. DON’T BREATHE?
Doctor: Um.. No. You have lung cancer and you’re going to die in 3 days.

Definition of Askhole – Someone who always asks for your advice but does the opposite of what you say.