I have a condition that stops me from dieting… I get hungry.
Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb. A. None because they never get the house.
Why do people always assume drug dealers are dangerous people who carry guns? Fedex drivers are perfectly respectable people and they deliver drugs all the time.
What do cats love to eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies
So far this year I’ve had sex a number of times. Unfortunately that number is 0.
Q. What do farts and relationships have in common? A. The harder you have to push the shitier they become.