My new girlfriend from Thailand said that having a small dick is no problem. I really like her but I think I’d still prefer it if she didn’t have one.
Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym. Alexa: I have added gin to your shopping list. Me: Close enough.
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle?
Zero. It should be open when she brings it.
Why wife loves to role-play in bed. She usually pretends to be a coma patient.
Fell asleep with my iPhone under my pillow last night and when I woke up it was gone and replaced with a shiny new fifty pence piece. Damn that Blue-Tooth Fairy.
#### Parachute For Sale ####
One parachute for sale. Only ever used once, never opened, has some red stains.