I forgot to put the seat belt on my five-year-old boy this morning.
As we were leaving the car park, somebody shouted, “You are an irresponsible father!”
I said, “Who the f*ck was that? Stop the car, son.”
Just got a really big response to my advert on the internet saying ‘Wife wanted’. In about 2hrs I had over 300 emails saying ‘you can have mine’.
My next door neighbours just got arrested after recent police raids against online paedophiles. Not sure where I’m going to get my free wi-fi now.
Q. What does an airport and a prostitute have in common? A. They both ask you to put your liquids into a little plastic bag.
Like my dad always used to say.
“I’m not your dad”
What do cats love to eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies