If someone sends you a link called ‘free porn’ dont opin it. It is a birus wich deactivates your spelcheck and fcuks up you riting. I also receibed it but lukily I dont uatch porn so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends, wanks.
My kid asked me a funny question today, he said “Dad do you know anything about contraception?”, I said “If I did you wouldn’t be here.
If you go for a piss and your urine is clear, you’re hydrated.
If it’s yellow, you’re dehydrated.
If it’s white, you’re shaking your c*ck too much.
My wife said I was rude for yawning when she was shouting at me.
I told her I wasn’t yawning, I was just trying to speak.
Last night my girlfriend asked me to name all the women I’ve slept with. I probably should have stopped when I got to her.
Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you’ll love them forever.