Best Funny Dirty Jokes

Just been kicked out of University for jerking off.

I should have listened more carefully when I was asked me to join the Mass Debate Club.

Can’t believe how unlucky I am. Woke up this morning itching and with a big rash. Looks like I might be allergic to prostitutes.

Never judge a book by it’s cover. I ordered a book online last week from Holland called ‘Creamy Jugs’ only to find it’s a book about 18th century cattle farming equipment.

Q. What do toilet paper and mobile phones have in common?

A. They can both easily put you in the sh*t if you use them drunk.

I hate the excuses women come up with for not having sex like:

“I’ve got a headache” or “I’m on my period” or “I don’t know who you are, someone call the police!”

Just got my balls out at the hospital but they have no idea what this red rash is. Hopefully the doctor will come and see me soon because the receptionist is useless.