Best Funny Animal Jokes

Contains funny animal jokes and dirty one liners that will have you in stitches.

Lamb Chops

in Animal Jokes
+9 -29

My parents made a fortune from selling lamb chops.

They’re minted.

Pandas

in Animal Jokes
+11 -32

Q. Why do Pandas have black eyes?
A. Because they can’t satisfy their man.

Swans

in Animal Jokes, Dirty Jokes
+31 -52

Whoever said swans mate for life is a complete liar. As soon as I let my swan go it flew away.

Murder

in Animal Jokes
+16 -37

Called to police about 5 times today to report a murder on my front lawn but they keep telling me to stop bothering them. Apparently they don’t give a shit about crows.

Love-sick

in Animal Jokes, Relationship Jokes
+5 -26

I got really love sick the other day working away from home. Went to the doctors and they said it was chlamydia.

Cigarettes and Cats

in Animal Jokes
+12 -33

Q. What do cigarettes and cats have in common?

A. They’re both really bad for your health if you put them in your mouth and set fire to them.