Life is like a box of chocolates. If you’re fat it doesn’t last very long.
Managed to have sex with my girlfriend for 1 hour 30 minutes doggy style last night. That’s 4 minutes in human time.
Yo mama is so fat that when Dracula drank her blood she gave him diabetes.
The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.
Husband: “Can I try going through your back door tonight?” Wife: “F*ck that sh*t!” Husband: “Thats the spirit!”
Man: Would you wear shoes if you didn’t have feet? Woman: No of course not. Man: Then why do you wear a bra?
The following conversation took place between a dad and his young child.
Child: Dad where did I come from? Dad: You came from a stork. Child: Wow, you f*cked a stork?