Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me.
Before I die I’m gonna swallow a whole bag of popcorn kernels.
My cremation is gonna be epic.
Q. What do you call a flying Jew? A. Smoke
Q. How many black people does it take to start a riot? A. -1
The following conversation took place at bar
Customer: What’s the WiFi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. Customer: Ok, I’ll have a coke. Barman: $10 please. Customer: There you go. So what’s the wifi password? Barman: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase!
Just seen two men walking together wearing matching clothes. I asked them if they were gay and they arrested me.