The Best Funny Wife Jokes

My wife says for Christmas she wants something that goes from 0-100 in a few of seconds so I got her a weighing scale.

My wife laughed when I said I still had the body of an 18 year old…

Until she checked the freezer.

Me and my wife decided to make our own sex film
She was really angry when she discovered I was holding auditions for her part.

Just had a strange conversation with my wife about getting a home-improvement loan. She offered me $5,000 to move out.

My wife told me she wants to be treated like a princess.

So I decided to invite seven midgets to join us for dinner tonight.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years, didn’t want to interrupt her.