Best Funny Relationship Jokes

Wife’s really angry tonight complaining I never buy her flowers!

Didn’t even realise she sold flowers.

The following conversation took place between a husband and wife while in bed.

Husband: “Honey I think your mum tried to have sex with me last night! ”
Wife: “That’s impossible, she’s on holiday!”
Husband: “Oh ok, well maybe you should wear more makeup then!”

The only time I hear my wife say “I’m coming” is when I’m holding the elevator door.

My wife: Where’s the broom?

Me: Why, where are you going?

Just had the following conversation with my wife

Wife: “Give it to me! I’m so f*cking wet! Give it to me now!”
Me: You can scream all you want, you’re not having the umbrella.