Best Funny Dirty Jokes

What’s the difference between weed and vag?

If you can smell weed across the room that means it’s good.

Q. Why should you never hold in your farts?

A. Because they can go up your spine, into your brain and give you shitty ideas.

A girl only has one heart so playing around with it is wrong, play with her boobs instead, she’s got two of them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could taste Jill’s candy but jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock cuz Jill’s real name was randy

The following conversation took place after a man accidentally elbowed a woman in the breasts.

Man: Really sorry, if your heart is as soft as your boobs you’ll forgive me.
Woman: If your c*ck is as hard as your elbow meet me in room 89

Can’t believe how stupid Google auto-complete is!! Why would I search for “hardcore poem”?