Funny Short Jokes

Find the best quick hilariously funny jokes that are easy to remember.

Egg Cooking Advice

in Surreal Jokes
+1 -6

Instead of wasting money on costly egg timers simply boil your egg to perfection by getting in your car and driving at 60 mph for exactly 3 miles. When you reach the 3 mile mark call your wife and tell her to take it out the pan.

Coffee

in General Jokes
+4 -2

Went to the doctors yesterday and told him that every time I drink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my right eye.

He advised me to take the spoon out of the cup.

Loosing Weight

in General Jokes
+4 -14

Found out recently that I have a condition which stops me from loosing weight. It’s called being a greedy c*nt.

Doctor’s office

in General Jokes
+7 -7

I went to my doctor and he said he had some good news and some bad news. He said the good news was that he got my test results and I had two days to live. Then he said the bad news was that he has been trying to contact me for two days.

Onions Pick Up Line

in Pick Up Lines
+8 -17

Your face makes onions cry.

Dating Tips

in Relationship Jokes
+8 -12

Overcome awkward silences on those first dates by bringing an air horn with you.