The fear of people to your right is dextrophobia.
The fear of having people to your left is anthropophobia.
And the fear of having people behind you is homophobia.
Saw a man earlier today at the beach shouting “Help, shark! Help!”. It made me laugh, there’s no way he was ever gonna convince a shark to help him.
The other day my Nan found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.
I told my parents today: “Mum, Dad… I’ve decided to live on my own from now on.” “Okay, cool,” they replied. “Your luggage is outside,” I added.
Shit I’ve survived:
Mad Cow Disease ✓
HIV Aids ✓
Bird Flu ✓
Swine Flu ✓
My dog minton has eaten all the shuttlecocks.