I got my wife a get better soon card. She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.
Marriage is like a hand grenade, take off the ring and say goodbye to your house.
Why did the teacher shout at the Asian but not at me?
Because I’m White and he’s Wong
I went to my doctor and he said he had some good news and some bad news. He said the good news was that he got my test results and I had two days to live. Then he said the bad news was that he has been trying to contact me for two days.
For those worried about Alexa listening to your conversations Amazon are now releasing a male version called Alex who ignores everything you say.
“Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?” I asked my boss.
“Just pop it in the corner,” he said.
After 3 hours of popping I’ve now been fired :(!