I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
I took a girl home the other night and while things were heating up I was hopelessly fumbling around trying to unclip her bra.
“Is this your first time?” She asked.
“No, you’re just the first one with with tits.”
I got my wife a get better soon card. She’s not ill or anything but she could definitely get better.
Marriage is like a hand grenade, take off the ring and say goodbye to your house.
I went to my doctor and he said he had some good news and some bad news. He said the good news was that he got my test results and I had two days to live. Then he said the bad news was that he has been trying to contact me for two days.
The other day my Nan found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.