Did you know that 85% of pie charts resemble Pacman?
When God created the world he made everyone different but he became tired when he got to the Chinese.
I took a girl home the other night and while things were heating up I was hopelessly fumbling around trying to unclip her bra.
“Is this your first time?” She asked.
“No, you’re just the first one with with tits.”
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an awesome phrase.
But it’s a horrible way to find out you’re adopted. 🙁
My Jewish mate has been with his Tourette’s suffering girlfriend for years now. I always wondered what kept them together.
Then I saw the swear jar.
Just had the following conversation after getting pulled over by a cop.
Cop: Do you know how fast you were going?
Me: I was just keeping up with the traffic.
Cop: There is no traffic!
Me: I know, that’s how far behind I am.