Best Short Jokes This Year

Collection of the best funny short jokes from this year sorted by user rating.

Drinking

in Relationship Jokes
+31 -11

My favourite text message to send to the wife when I’m out drinking at the bar.

“I’ll be home in 5 minutes… If not… read this again!!”

Dad

in Relationship Jokes
+35 -15

My dad never loved me as a child.
I can’t blame him really.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.

Beard Growing

in Racist Jokes
+39 -20

Had a beard growing competition over the weekend with one of my Indian friends from work.
She won.

Health Check

in General Jokes
+23 -5

Just had the following conversation with my doctor after getting a health check.

Doctor: Don’t eat anything fatty
Me: What? You mean like bacon or burgers?
Doctor: No fatty!! Don’t eat anything.

Fighting

in General Jokes
+24 -6

The following conversation happened after calling the police.

Police: What’s your emergency?
Me: Two girls are fighting over me.
Police: OK and what’s the problem?
Me: The fat one is winning!

Weight scale

in Relationship Jokes
+24 -7

My wife says for Christmas she wants something that goes from 0-100 in a few of seconds so I got her a weighing scale.