Today I did that thing where you walk into a room and totally forgot what you went in for. It was only when the shit started running down my leg that I remembered
“Dad, how do you feel about abortions?”
“Well, why don’t you ask your sister?”
“But I don’t have a…”
Just Googled “Gary Oldman” and some pretty disturbing images came up…
Then I realised I’d left the “R” out.
My dwarf friend committed suicide recently… He jumped off a curb.
Went to the doctors yesterday and told him that every time I drink coffee I get a stabbing pain in my right eye.
He advised me to take the spoon out of the cup.
Yo mama is so ugly she celebrates Halloween everyday.