I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
When 3 people have sex, it’s a threesome. When 2 people have sex, it’s a twosome.
Now I understand why they call me handsome.
My wife wanted something that goes from 0 to 100 in a few seconds for valentines day so I got her a weighing scale .
“Dad, how do you feel about abortions?”
“Well, why don’t you ask your sister?”
“But I don’t have a…”
Just been fired from my new job at the bank.
An old lady asked me to check her balance so I jumped on her back.
I hired a German plumber the other day to fix my shower.
He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply.
I guess old habits die hard.