Q. How does a duck fart?
A. Through his arsequack.
Just had the following conversation with my mum
Me: I’m going out!
Mum: You’re not leaving until you’ve changed that mini-skirt!!
Mum: Because I can see your balls Richard.
One of my nipples is a different colour from the other two. Is this normal?
I hired a German plumber the other day to fix my shower.
He accidentally connected the gas supply to the water supply.
I guess old habits die hard.
Just been fired from my new job at the bank.
An old lady asked me to check her balance so I jumped on her back.
People who say they’ve lost their voice are lying.