Went to a party last night. I thought I looked pretty smart, but some Jewish c*nt came up to me and said “The ’70s called… They want their shirt back!” so I said, “The ’40s called… your shower’s ready.”
My wife died a few months ago. Ever since I’ve been a total mess… no sleep, weight loss, bloodshot eyes, unlaundered clothes… The other day my best friend told me “Steve, you’ve got to stop partying!”
What is the world coming to? Heard on the radio today that scientists have discovered dolphins enjoy having sex. Scientists should stop shagging animals and treat them with more respect.
When I die, I’d like the word ‘Humble’ to be written in diamonds on my 20ft statue made from solid gold.
Yo mamas so fat when she goes jogging she makes potholes.
Porn has ruined my life. I’m now too scared to order a pizza.