I no longer see my wife and kids and it’s all because of gambling.
I won shitloads of money and moved to Spain.
Just had the strangest experience. The lady walking ahead of me sped up, so I did, she began running so I ran too, she screamed so I screamed as well. I never even saw what we were running from.
Can Richard Dawkins and his atheist friends explain why lemons are so bitter? Fruits are supposed to be tasty so the seeds get ingested and spread around in peoples turds. Why do lemons taste like a pro’s fanny? Not that I’d know, I’ve never eaten a lemon.
I got a job as a bounty hunter in China.
Couldn’t believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!
I saved my mistress’ phone number as ‘LOW BATTERY’. Whenever she calls and I’m not around, the missus takes the phone and plugs it to the charger unknowingly.
A Chinese man has died in a river in Beijing.
Police say that he may have been saved if the first 5 people to see him hadn’t thought they were looking at their reflection.