Hearing the words “Jesus loves you” in a church it feels nice.
Hearing the words “Jesus loves you” in a Mexican prison is quite scary and is usually followed by severe ass pain.
Just been scammed out of $25.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled “My Favorite 18 Holes”
Total waste of money, turns out it’s all about golf.
I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but the toilet was out of order, so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes.
The woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, “Is that a poo in your hand?”
Did you hear the joke about the butter?
I’m not going to spread it.
Q. What do you call a lesbian with long nails?
Think I might be allergic to onions. Every time I peel them my eyes start watering.