I phoned my work this morning and said, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today, I have a wee cough.” He said, “You have a wee cough?” I said, “Really? Cheers boss, see you next week!”
My New Year’s resolutions are: 1. Stop making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count.
Just been on bigbustycoons.com. It’s amazing how large and successful some bus companies have become.
Q. What do orphans get at Christmas?
The following conversation took place in a school lesson.
Teacher: So kids what jobs do your parents have?
Simon: My dad is a baker.
Teacher: Very good Simon, anyone else?
Johnny: My dad runs the local prison!!
Teacher: That’s great, is he a prison warden?
Johnny: No he’s just the hardest c*nt in there!!
My next door neighbours just got arrested after recent police raids against online paedophiles. Not sure where I’m going to get my free wi-fi now.